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lyrics

there is something inside of you that wants to be put out

two contusions around the ribs. a puncture wound (knife?) under the right breastbone. a display of violence or of love. clinical. semen dried on the clavicle. heart stilled. eyes wide, decomposition mild. left thigh torn apart, exposing bone. scars cover what intact skin remains. they are old, and unimportant. ligature marks at the neck. hyoid fractured and healed several times. did you do that to yourself? or did you get someone else to do it for you? this type of injury rarely occurs without meaning. we both know that. and this type of fixation rarely occurs in isolation. there are always comorbidities. what else did the you who is no longer you enjoy? what did you get out of it? this never resolves. it's something you lived with. were you guilty, or were you proud? glad at your deviancy? taking some pleasure at knowing that you're abnormal? post-mortem wounds show evidence of further tampering. bloodless lacerations cover the stomach and back, splitting apart old, irrelevant scars. hypertrophy and keloid, bulging. white thin lines where you never tried hard enough. you couldn't manage it by yourself, could you? it's a kind of co-dependency. was this a way of dealing with the suffering you found in life? or was it the cause? did you think you would grow up to be like this? were you proud of who you became? how you ended up lifeless on faux wood laminate flooring. you weren't eating much at the end, were you? was that intentional, or were you just too focused on what you were becoming?

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from Somniphobia, released June 16, 2022

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Illusory Games Canberra, Australia

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